Anton Raski
I was wondering why my cooking was not a success
My food always ended up being a total mess
One day I asked advice from Thrall
He said that the demon called Nomi had burned it all
——————————————————————————————
Thomas Morrison
(HAIKU)
Cookie, murloc chef
Your food is so nutritious
And yet so poisonous
——————————————————————————————
Chris Elson
Filled with rotting of bone and the flesh,
it all fills the air in this abyssal nest.
All of my second life I’ve been ever damned,
I simply feel nothing but rage where i stand.
This whole world I’ll swallow, with agony so sweet,
from every single shadow, my vengeance shall creep!
You run and you scream, beg for mercy and hope!
You wish it’s just a dream, when i call for more rope….
There will be no absolution, just death of your kind,
just a final retribution, the bells of faith have chimed!
The darkness you shall share, no hope for a summer,
an everlasting nightmare…of Sylvanas Windrunner
——————————————————————————————
Exia Bauer
(HAIKU)
Noni, burning food
uneatable traded for mats
seeking recipes
——————————————————————————————
Jason Frost
(WITH MACHINIMA)
I love cooking,
It’s an art of creation
When you’re mixing things
That aren’t of relation
like adding Sylvan Elixir
to a silver Mackerel!
Becareful you don’t poison
your fleet Admiral.
You can light a match
and set it ablaze!
even though donuts
should always be glazed.
I should add NoggenFogger
That would be GENIUS!
Uh oh
Everyone just grew a penis.
——————————————————————————————
RS Owner
I made her dried mackerele strips in a raid fight
We wiped
Then she called me a noob for making her burned dinner: (
——————————————————————————————
Mark Richmond (WINNER)
“CULINARY STANDARDS”
I’ve sailed the Howling Fjord,
And severed Vry’kul heads,
I’ve plumbed the deep Azjol-Nerub,
Laid thick with grasping threads.
I lived beneath old Lordaeron,
And witnessed horrors grand,
Saw the dead stitch flesh and bone,
To hold their darkened land.
I heard the voices down below,
And felt the Old God’s call,
Felt their tendrils in my mind,
Yet did not become their thrall.
All this death and gore and gloom,
I’ve taken in my stride,
For who could turn and hide away,
As light and fel collide?
There is no task too dark or grim,
I tell to all I greet,
There’s just one thing I’d never do,
I won’t try mystery meat!
——————————————————————————————
Augusta Isaksen
I’m standing here,
Glaring into the roaring fire
I yet have some,
Of the recipes to acquire
His eyes are dark,
Clumsily he moves the knife
Along the table,
I fear not for my life
He tosses and turns,
The veggies turning black
I guess this is,
Another burnt food rack
He looks at me,
I smile back uneasy
He holds forward,
A paw making me
I grab the pan,
My anger rising to my head
Movement occurs,
His brain looking like baked bread
O, cooking,
You mischievous profession
Why must you of all,
Be led by a panda with the brain of an onion
I guess this is it there are no more ingredients,
At least now I have burnt food rank 3
——————————————————————————————
Melanie Puschnik
I never PvP or raid,
for worldquests everyday too late.
Don’t try to grind a rep,
rather take a second nap.
There’s just one thing in the game I do,
cook a brunch or BBQ.
Press the button with a smile,
even if it takes awhile.
Cookies, fish or talbuk steak,
not a challenge for me to make!
Give me some mats and little time,
for Rylak Crepes – just devine.
I love my daily cooking quests,
invite my guildies as my guests.
Come get the buff from Feast of Blood,
you wont need a spoon or even a cup!
Wait… in Dalaran is a quest from Chromie?
Sorry, but I prefer the kitchen of Nomi. :)
——————————————————————————————
CMR Shepard
Roses are red
violets are blue
my cooking is bad for you.
——————————————————————————————
Saige Arnold (WINNER)
“Herb Baked Eggs”
I am level one
And I need a profession
While I loot and while I quest
And at cooking, I’m the best
It’s all I can do
Why don’t I learn you?
The trainer called me in
Gave me skills of journeyman
One recipe caught my eye
A rather simple one to try
It’s all I could do
So, then I’ll make you!
Looting my small eggs
So that I make herb baked eggs
When I fire up the grill
In my nose, the smoke will fill
You’re all that I can do
Why have I burned you?
Looting spider legs
So that I make herb baked eggs
Herb baked eggs, you’re my boon
You’re my ticket to elune
You’re all that I can do
Why have I burned you?
Looting broken kegs
So that I make herb baked eggs
Herb baked eggs, you’re my need
I will cook you with great speed
You’re all that I can do
Why have I burned you?
Looting nothing more
That it is, the final score
Herb baked eggs, you ruined me
Cooking was my specialty
You’re all I could do
How did I burn you?
——————————————————————————————
Xavier Reed
Cooking really helps,
It brings up our healths.
Cooking’s really nice,
Fuck i’m all out of spice!
——————————————————————————————
Simon Forslund Dahl
[Cooking with style] makes Nomi proud
[All Grown Up] it angers our mind
That [Our Daily Bread] is burned
For Nomi Lacks – [Savage Skills to pay the bills]
The things we do for – [Dinner Impossible]
Seems absurd, so we – [Second that Emotion]
For [a bunch of Lunch] is totally fine
And we can at least eat the (slightly Burnt food) left on the ground
Wait no reagents left, spent so little time for grind
So the secret Pyromaniac ain’t able to conclude the 24/24 tray we wanted to place
[Never a day’s rest] are within our grasp
So go out there and buy some more (lean shanks) so we can end this mess
The RNG Gods may bless us with (Prepared Ingredients) this one time god bless
Everything with [—] or (—) are note worthy things to the cooking profession
[Achievements]—-(Items)
——————————————————————————————
Kristen S. Gielecki (WINNER)
Back when I was just a kid;
maybe level twen’y
Summertime in ol’ Southshore
hanging with my honey.
Dancin in the moonlight
Kissin’ by the lake
Every now and then we’d stop
for gooey spider cake
Spider cake!
Ooh it’s so gooey!
Ooh it’s so chewy!
Hairy legs and staring eyes
like mama used to bake
Hack me off another slice
of gooey spider cake!
Time goes by, the town is gone
My honey’s now my man
We visit other planets
with the armies we command
Maybe if I find the mats
We can take a break
And sit inside the Vindicaar
Eatin’ gooey spider cake.
——————————————————————————————
Mike C (Mogrin)
To the tune of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMV34CwNMY0
Oh the year was twenty seventeen
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
a package of wonder came for me
the most wonderful book I ever did see
Chorus:
Light, I love them all
I was told this book was worth it’s weight in gold
We’d eat good food
Shed joyous tears
For it’s a happy man who shouts with glee
at a taste from Mogrin’s cooking spree
“Oh, Mr. Mogrin!” cried the guild
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
For 20 brave men, all guidies who
would taste for him his westfall stew
Chorus
It was peanut chicken served that night
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
The peanut sauce was a succulent sight
dripped on a mound of rice so white
Chorus
On the King’s birthday he served pastry
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
He was prepping the filling for Anduin’s day
Stirring like a madman all the way
Chorus
On Winter’s Veil, he cooked again
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
The guild deserved a real treat
Graccu’s Fruitcake with mincemeat
Chorus
Cooking Master Ironpaw came to town
How I wish was in Azeroth now
Showered the guild with Arborio Rice
Said: Make me pudding and stir it twice
Chorus
With lunar fest two days away
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
He added the liqueur and started to shake
The very best Moonglow it would make
Chorus
The guild was fond of spiced blossom soup
How I wish I was in Azeroth now
Purple cabbage and Chamomile tea
Makes the kitchen smell great to me
Chorus
So here I sit with flaky pie dough
How I wish in Azeroth Now
Cheery Cherie pie or Blood-berry Tart
Once I decide, I’ll make my Start
Chorus
——————————————————————————————
Priscilla van Vleuten (WINNER)
“Hungry Adventurer”
Great adventures yet ahead
I start with cooking some Spice Bread
With Mild Spices and Simple Flour
I create aplenty within an hour
I hit the road without a clue
How to make the famous Westfall Stew
Perhaps some water and some meat
Will make a joyful meal to eat
Next I took a portal to the warring Outland
There the Spicy Hot Talbuk was in demand
When I went on I threw a Fisherman’s Feast
That Huge Spotted Feltail was now quite deceased
While on the boat to the Cold North
Some Spicy Fried Herring was brought forth
Alas, my belly started churning
And my meal was quick in returning
I stopped in Dalaran for a break
And decided on a Delicious Chocolate Cake
Also delightful was the Tasty Cupcake
But now my waistline is at stake
I journeyed on for a Lavascale Fillet
But the Cataclysm led me astray
Blackened Surprise was all I could get
But to be fair, it looks quite a threat
Stories of a place with great cuisine
Brought Pandaria to the scene
At the Noodle Cart I bought some Soup
It was heavenly so I let out a delighted whoop
Draenor threw me back in time
But that Blackrock Barbecue was no crime
Bought some Sleeper Sushi for on the way
And marched on till the end of the day
To the Broken Isles I Teleport
There the Crispy Bacon is of great import
Queueing early for the Leybeque Ribs
I’ll do anything to get first dibs
Tired and sated I head for the Inn
Some Captain Rumsey’s Lager will make me grin
The journey was long but fascinating
And all the new recipes are worth debating
I Hearthstone home in time for Winter Veil
And close my door against a frosty gale
Gingerbread Cookie and Hot Apple Cider in hand
I finally settle down feeling grand
——————————————————————————————
Sky Lo
“Cooking Trainer’s Ballad”
I’ve been cooking all this time
before Argus came in sight
Draenor, turtle island’s prime
Cataclysm’s fiery might
rendering our world in half
I’ve been cooking all this time
before Lich King’s gross demise
Burning Legion’s threat undone
even Ragnaros’ fall
couldn’t keep me from my part
in providing you best fare
aiding in your constant fight
for the welfare of our realm
hoping that this well fed buff
will be enough to combine
blood of enemies with grime
of the martyred soil we walk
till the last day of my life
I’ll be cooking all the time
——————————————————————————————
Tereza Soucková
Little druid,
Ten, I think she was.
Had no gold,
Had no skill,
Only her paws.
Once she saw an orc,
back in the main city,
holding a fork,
and singing a ditty.
”Come people of good taste,
the challenge you’ve not yet faced,
is announced today.
The quickest to cook me
the filet,
from the Great Sea,
will become the cooking devotee.”
She did not hesitate,
Became roused,
‘Cause this skill,
could make gold,
on the auction house!
The Druid won the contest,
earned her cooking degree,
and in the blink of her eye,
started her winning spree.
Later on,
with a bag full of food,
she entered the auction house,
and realised she is screwed.
Nobody wants the dish,
there are only potions, scrolls,
and… Silkweave Flourish?
She “eXed” it,
and sat on the floor,
exhausted, devastated,
is this her story lore?
But she didn’t stop,
she’s still cooking today,
not earning money,
spending it on prey.
20 years had passed,
50 more to come,
she’s broke at last,
playing the drum in the city,
singing the cook’s ditty.
”Come people of good taste,
the food won’t be a waste,
if you come to my place.
I have so many kinds of dish,
a boar meat, ribs and the fish,
from the Great Sea,
cause I’m the cooking devotee.”
——————————————————————————————
Barnabás Selymes
“Made for the Raid”
Reagents, reagents, full up bags
Who checks the digit of ingredient tags?
Twenty-Four hungry mouths to feed tonight,
Crispy Bacon will prolong the taste quite right.
Everyone can set up a Cooking Fire
You don’t even need an Argent Squire.
Let’s create something new, that doesn’t exist,
I will ask three famous chefs from the list.
The first chef works in Feralas
His voice is like the devil and paralyze:
“The best flavouring is the lamb sauce,
But you need to find a reliable source.”
The second chef lives in the City of Dalaran
His ancestors came from the Isle of Zandalar.
Running of the gnomes is his favourite event,
The meat prices are in favourable descent.
The last chef is a furry creator
You can call him a culinary innovator.
He didn’t want to tell me the painful truth,
But the secret seasoning is Badly Burnt Food.
Better to put on my Chef’s Hat,
Catching a gnome makes me upset.
Hopefully, I won’t concoct a hogwash,
Or my teammates will need a mouthwash.
——————————————————————————————
Kevin K AKA SoulFyre
“I Am Nomi”
The Legion’s destruction
No doubt a priority
That fight is yours to bear
On defeating hunger though, I am the authority
My skills of the grill are legendary
I could learn you if you like
Bring me bacon or steak of bears, some salmon of Highmountain streams
Let’s make battered fish, blackened dark as night
Shanks of stags, Ribs from prowlers
Make no waste, I’ll take it all
Fire up the grill and hand me a beer
Torch it, char it, pillars of smoke ten orcs tall
Charcoal crisped for a tasty crunch
Ragnaros incarnate, they say
Gives me quite the chuckle
His flames have nothing on my ways
For I am Nomi, pandaren lord of the feasting season.
——————————————————————————————
Dein Schlimmster Apltraum
Hordlings are red
Murlocs are blue
Both of them disturbed me
So I cooked them for you
——————————————————————————————
John Kershaw
With reference to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLDZqczzniY
O, for a feast like Suramar, for the raids of Legion 7.3 Mythic
When the hunger is rampant, and the raid spread out Lavish,
Who can bitch?
When the mains of the guildies
Battle in the progression well buffed,
Who can bitch?
When the Warrior of Protection tanks at Sargeras’ own Tomb
When the buff of the Suramar Lavish keep the raid group alive
They still stand!
When Wrynn orders Sargeras to prattle no longer;
And the resurrection costs mount after each Wipe;
When souls are released and once more buff,
And Strength, Intellect, Agility grow from the feast,
O who can bitch?
O who has cooked this?
O who can achieve Cutting Edge: Kil’Jaeden?
The cooks of the Lavish Suramar Feast have done it!
Doubt it not, Raider, thy Profession has done it!
The Students of dear Nomi have done it!
——————————————————————————————
Dave Bee (WINNER)
“Who Needs a Recipe?”
I’ve been told that there’s these food things, that can help me raid.
So I’ve had a go with what I found, and here’s what I’ve made
It really does resemble something that’s been eaten twice.
I guess with the ingredients, I should’ve been more precise.
I think I used some wolf meat, or maybe it was bear?
Or maybe it was something else, I didn’t really care.
I think I added some herbs and veg, just a load of junk.
As you might have guessed by now, I was kinda drunk.
I may have thrown in some more totally random stuff.
Something purple, something fishy, something really tough.
Just whatever I had picked up from the last few days.
I don’t know even know what it was, it’s all a bit of a haze.
I know it tasted really bad, but I couldn’t let it go to waste.
So I used more alcohol to try and mask the taste.
It didn’t help too much but then I opened the rum
And drifted off into a haze until my taste was numb
I felt all fuzzy and weird inside.
Then pain so bad I thought I had died.
I drank a potion I thought it would help me.
Just grabbed any bottle, I could hardly see!
I passed out from the mix I had taken.
Hoping to be fine after I awaken
When I awoke I was in for a shock
For I discovered I was now a Murloc
Mmmrrrggggglllll the first word I spoke
Which caused me to run from the local townsfolk.
And now I live in a swamp with my kind
Four years since then I feel so resigned
With hindsight I know, I should’ve used my brain
A drunken lout, they always said with disdain.
And now I realise I should have had a look
Inside that famous warcraft recipe book
——————————————————————————————
Meritorius
Roses are red
violets are blue
Nomi can’t cook
Neither can you
——————————————————————————————
Christian Ramses
“My Story of cooking in WoW-Legion:”
Back when I started WoW, at the end of WoD
All I knew about cooking, was that there is thistle tea
Rouges could craft it, to replenish their energy
But after vanilla it became a real rare recipe.
I finally started using food, the moment my warrior got the level-boost
He’s a fury to be exact, and I noticed all the self-heal that he lacked,
With no fancy healing legendary, I didn’t want to end up in an obituary.
So, I met up with Nomi and he showed me, how to perform miracles with food
And despite all the burnt stuff, I was in a great mood, because:
With the tartare of the bear, I did not really care,
I was as swift as a flash, running through my foes ash!
With the Spiced Rib Roast, I made all the demons toast
And thanks to the spicy outbreak, I spat fire like a red drake!
But time passed, and after the long bore on the Broken Shore,
We finally opened the Tomb of Sargeras and Illidan finally lost some of his sass
On the inside, we placed the pillars of creation, followed by severe frustration,
Mostly caused by Kil’Jaeden and the hole in the room with the Maiden.
And after the successful kill, to escape spaces cold chill,
Illidan quickly used the Sargerite keystone, to grant us a safe way back home.
And by doing that he also opened a giant space portal directly to Argus, but I guess sometimes the hands of fate must be forced.
And with nearly no delay, we mounted the Vindicaar and got right back into the fray!
But haven’t found anything edible on Argus yet, except that god-awful imp buffet
But once we break into the Burning Throne, I do hope we’ll get us some steak of the T-Bone!
To be honest, what does T-Bone even mean? Titan bone? Can you even eat a Titan? Will Nomi serve us dark Titan à la carte?
But anyway, Sargeras is such a sore loser, to follow his history as a rude bruiser,
For defeating him, he grants us the award of stabbing his sword….
Oh, wait that’s a spoiler! I don’t want so spoil people here, eh alright let’s move on…
But if we can come back from that, we’ll be back on track in the next Xpac
Maybe fighting old gods on the isle of Kul Tiras!
So anyway, wait a sec, I’ll be shortly abroad, imma just quickly fight this old god,
chopping the tentacles of his huge bod.
Then bring them back to Nomi, and be like: Here bro, you owe me!
But even after all these years of training, on a sad day when it’s raining
He’ll give you a tentacle that’s barely cooked
And then, WoW-Youtube will go: REEEEEEE
And the Twitch-chat: Lol! Get cucked.